How Not To Complete a Project

1. Decide 5 minutes ago you're going to finally clean out and organize your closet.

2. Pull everything out of the closet and place it into your bedroom and onto your bed.

3. Realize the baby has woken up 20 minutes ahead of schedule.

4. Re-enter the bedroom for the first time and realized, startled, that you may have bitten off more than you could chew.

5. Leave to pick The Big One up from school.

6. Come home only long enough to get the Big One out of his uniform, change a poopie diaper for the Little One, grab a card and some cash off the counter, and head out the door for a birthday party.

7. Come home 3 hours later and re-enter the bedroom for the second time, exhausted, certain that you have bitten off more than you could chew.

8. Convince Big Daddy that it will only take 15 minutes to clean.

9. Spend the next 2 hours arguing about how the closet should be reorganized.

10. Spend the next hour trying on clothes for fun because when you've lost a lot of weight it's fun to go back and remember exactly how fat you were.

10.5 Hang all your clothes back up in RO* G BIV order. Sigh at the perverse pleasure you get from something so stupid. *Realize you own nothing yellow.

11. Collapse into bed, having admitted defeat... promising to wake up and get it taken care of first thing.

12. Sleep in.

13. Finally wake up and realize that what we truly need is a plan.

14. Spend the next 2 hours not coming up with a plan and drawing a to-scale blueprint of the closet on graph paper.

15. Get in the car and go to Lowe's and Home Depot. Stare at the closet organization aisle. Leave empty handed except for a very glossy brochure that, surprisingly, lacks any real content.

16. Come home and finally figure out what we want to do in the closet only to realize we lack any of the equipment to make it happen.

17. Go back to Lowe's and Home Depot.

18. Drive back home with a couple of vertical supports for our new hanging system that we're going to implement full well knowing we have support brackets in the house somewhere. We just don't know where.

20. Forget to put a #19.

21. Come home and realize it's really too late to start on a project now.

22. Clean out some more debris left over in the master bedroom. Cry because there's still a lot to do. You also realize there's a mountain of laundry you haven't thought about doing.

23. Realize the children will probably want dinner. Swear under your breath. Start some pizza dough rising.

24. Swear some more while you're making the rest of the pizza.

25. Eat dinner.

26. Clean up after dinner.

27. Vow (again) that next time you do a project it's going to be done differently.

28. Give it all up and write a blog post.

And there you have it folks, how not to organize your closet in 28 easy steps.